In Flander's fields
by XMelvdsX
Summary: Mary managed to let Matthew know how she felt before the war starts. How will their engagement endure the griefs of war?
1. Chapter 1

_I do not own any of these characters or story lines according to my psychiatrist. _

_If you find any mistakes, let me know. My mother language's Dutch so there may be some fault._

"The lady Mary, a true lady if ever should be one, calm in every respect, in every situation." That's the reputation she had in high society when people talked 'nicely' of her. If they weren't talking nicely words like cold, haughty and even stuck-up may come over people's lips. Yes, it was true that she didn't have the best reputation among people though it wasn't her fault. Growing up, all she was ever told was to behave in a "lady-like manner". And unlike her youngest sister and far more than her middle sister, Mary cared for people's approval. She wanted it desperately. So every time she went in public she tried to mimic a lady's stature, up to perfection.

But right now, she wasn't any of that. Right now, she was sitting in her bed, crying desperately. Who could blame her? Even if people said she didn't have a heart, she most certainly did. But the man that heart belonged to didn't believe it in the slightest. Had broken off their engagement because of that. And all of that because, in a way that suited her character more than the crying girl who had lost it, she didn't want to lose Matthew's good opinion of her rather than tell him the truth about a mistake that happened in the past.

It didn't matter now, she had lost it anyway. He now believed that she only wanted to marry him because of the money, the estate and the title that he would inherit upon her father's dead. Which in a way was far worse than the truth about Pamuk.

The night surrounding the abbey was quiet as usual. One wouldn't suspect it was lying in a country that was now at war with Germany. At war… the words frightened Mary. And tomorrow morning Matthew would be leaving to take service. He would leave and maybe die, without ever knowing that she loved him. Thinking that she hated him.

At that thought something cracked inside of her. The brave part that her youngest sister possessed and flaunted so publicly suddenly awoke and she knew what she had to do. She got out of bed and took the clothes Anna had left for the next morning. For once, dressing herself and sneaked out of her room, not thinking on the consequences in case she got caught.

She knew the big front gate would be closed and would make far too much noise so she used one of the side doors to sneak outside, grabbed a bicycle next to the stables and drove towards the village. Towards Crawley house.

Once she was there she suddenly realized how crazy her whole act was. Matthew would be sound asleep, there was no way she would be able to reach him without waking up the staff and cousin Isobel as well. The village church made it clear that it was 3 o'clock, in the middle of the night. Realizing how cold she was, underdressed and without even her hair done properly, she grabbed the bicycle again and turned around away from the gate.

"Who are you? What do you want?"

Realizing it was Matthew who was fast approaching she jumped on the bicycle and tried to get away but skirts don't match bicycles so well and he was with her in a second.

"Mary?"

"Matthew, I didn't realize you'd be up… I'm sorry, you must think me a madwoman for showing up like this."

He was still mad at her but the sight of her standing in front of him like that made him calm down quite a bit.

"Well I'm coming close to locking you up in the attic… What… What in heaven's name are you doing here?"

When Mary was crying in her room, thinking of Matthew dying in the war without knowing how much she loved him, it was easy to gather her bravery. But now, standing in front of him, feeling utmost embarrassed she didn't dare to tell the story of Pamuk. Still she knew that if she didn't try now, she would never have the chance again.

"You were wrong."

"I was wrong? Mary is this about the engagement? Mary… It's done!"

"You need to hear me out. You can't go to war without that. I hesitated, but not because I didn't love you… Matthew… I do!"

The words coming from out of her mouth surprised even her, as the exhaustion and emotions got to her.

"You do what? Do you love me?"

"Yes, yes, I do…"

Matthew took a step back, his hand going through his hair.

"Then why Mary? Why did you hestitate? Is my love not enough for you?"

"I made a mistake in my youth, a mistake I must tell you if I were to become your fiancée but I know you will despise me after hearing it. So I hid away. I've ruined everything before we could even start."

Carefully he took a step closer. This whole situation was ridiculous.

"Why don't we go inside first, before someone sees us here?"

Mary nodded and followed him.

"Why were you up and about anyway?"

"Same as you I suppose, couldn't sleep."

They went inside the living room and sat down, each on a different sofa.

"Now what was this secret?"

"Does it matter now?"

"It might make all the difference."

Mary took a deep sigh and started to tell the entire story. How Pamuk died in her bed. How she was now damaged goods…

"I don't understand. Was it love?" Matthew asked, staring half in shock at the young lady in front of him. She looked so fragile with her hair ready for bed. Her hands shaking.

"Love! Matthew! I only knew the man for half a day."

"Then why?"

"It was lust Matthew! Or a need for excitement or whatever. As you may as well have noticed now, I sometimes do stupid, drastic things."

She buried her face in her hands, not daring to look at him again.

"You were wrong on one thing."

"Goodness! Only one? Pray what may that be?"

"I don't despice you, I never could despice you! Mary, if what you say is true, if you truly love me. Will you do me the honor of becoming my wife… again."

This time Mary didn't hesitate. Tomorrow morning he would ship off to war. She had already lost him once, she might lose him again. But this time she made sure he knew how she felt about him.

"Yes! A thousand times yes!"

_Let me know what you think of it while I work on the next chapter._


	2. Chapter 2

Mary was sitting on Matthew's lap, blissfully unaware of the future that lay ahead of them. Lying in the arms of the man she loved, the man that had forgiven her, the man who was going to be her husband. How long they sat there nobody knew but suddenly the door of the living room swung open, startling them both.

"Mary?" Isobel's surprised voice asked.

"Cc… cousin Isobel, I'm so sorry…"

"I take it, the engagement is back on?" Isobel interrupted her, hardly containing her smile.

"Yes mother, it is. Mary has agreed to be my wife, fully admitting that she loves me. And I her."

"Well, then there's nothing to be sorry for. Although, I do suppose you need to get back into the abbey? The staff will be almost up."

Mary and Matthew looked at each other, knowing fully well that this meant goodbye for them.

"I'll leave you two a second. And don't worry Mary, I won't say a word."

Isobel closed the door behind her.

"Ow, Matthew, we must say a word. How else are we going to announce our engagement? The last thing anyone is aware off you and I took our leave of each other in a terrible fight."

Matthew's eyes twinkled at the last few words.

"I suppose giving your sister's escapades your parents will be quite used to this sort of wild things, I don't think they mind it just this once. Especially since it ends in a perfectly respectable union."

"That doesn't mean they like wild things. I think they rather saw perfectly respectable unions start in perfectly respectable ways. Plus you're forgetting my very own escapade there, I'm afraid."

Matthew brought his finger to Mary's mouth. "Let's not speak of that again, ever! I don't want it there between us. Now here's the deal. You go home, and I'll come to your place before breakfast. My train leaves at noon which will leave us time enough to talk things through with your father and to say a proper goodbye. How does that sound."

Mary's face saddened, and she suddenly felt the full realization that in a few hours' time, the man she loved would be leaving towards the battle field of all places.

"I wish you didn't have to go."

"It's war my love. I fear that going or not going is not my choice to make. If it were, I would stay with you till the very end of time."

Reluctantly she got up and Matthew walked her to the front door. "I'll see you in an hour or two then." She said, kissing his lips one last time.

"You will, my love."

Going back into the abbey proved to be a rather difficult task. Avoiding all the staff that was already up was more trickier than she planned and as she was hiding behind a curtain for one of the maids to pass her she suddenly felt relieved that playing hide-and-seek in her youth was definitely a good investment of her time.

Finally she reached the door of her room only to find Anna already waiting for her.

"Mylady? You're already dressed."

"Oh Anna, please don't tell papa yet."

Anna gave her one of her trade-mark smiles "I won't mylady."

Mary sat down and let Anna finish her properly, explaining her odd behavior to her.

"We'll better get you extra nicely dressed, won't we mylady?"

Mary nodded and sat down nervously. One hour to go till breakfast.

She was only sitting down at the breakfast table for half a minute when Carson already appeared announcing the arrival of Matthew.

"Well that's rather unexpected, let him in Carson."

Matthew entered the breakfast room and gave her a nervous smile.

"Good morning everyone, Lord Crawley, I wonder if it were possible to spare me a few minutes of your time before I depart to London."

"Well of course my dear fellow. Anything for a hero of the nation."

They both left the breakfast room and Edith and Sybil both exchanged confused looks. "What is that all about you think?" Sybil asked.

"Probably some business or something if you asked me." Edith answered.

It took about 15 minutes before Carson returned to the breakfast room and told Mary that her father had asked for her in the library.

As she walked towards it she couldn't help but think of how Pride and Prejudice this whole situation was. Only Darcy didn't have to go off and fight Napoleon, risking his life, only a few hours after asking Elisabeth.

"Mary, Matthew here has just asked me for your hand in marriage. Apparently you know about all of this though as I recall the last time I saw you, you went upstairs to sleep last night, still down faced because of your broken engagement."

Mary walked further into the library and sat down beside Matthew, taking his hand in hers.

"Yet it's true that I know about it, and it's true that I've given him my consent."

"You both know that you don't need to ask for mine. It's been hanging in the air for the past 2 years now. But what I really, really wonder is what kind of magical connection there is between our house and Crawley House that can make such engagements happen while everyone's SUPPOSED to be sleeping!".

Matthew and Mary exchanged guilty looks and started to tell the story to Lord Crawley.

"But.. Mary! Without a chaperone! In the middle of the night! Not even decently dressed!"

"It's war papa, surely you understand that drastic measures are sometimes to be taken? I didn't know at what hour Matthew would leave once I made up my mind. I couldn't risk missing him before… well you know…"

Matthew squeezed her hand at this mention.

"Well then I suppose we should get an announcement in the paper. Everything in time, they say this war will be over by Christmas so there's no need to rush things any further. Now I suppose the two of you want to say goodbye… I'll be in the breakfast room if anyone needs me."

_This is the end of chapter 2. Again, let me know what you think of it. I'm one of those persons who can take critic._


	3. Chapter 3

_Sorry it took so long to update. I had exams and one exam quickly followed another and before you knew it, a lot of time had passed. Hope I am forgiven!_

Matthew and Mary stared at each other. It finally happened, they got engaged! They knew both that it was out of love. But between them and the happiness they should feel, lay a war. They just sat next to each other, not really knowing what to say or what to do.

"What do you say when your fiancée leaves for war?" Mary asked, a nervous smile on her face.

"Well, I don't think there's a standard for that… I think "Good luck!" is very popular in those cases." Matthew said. He had almost said "Don't lose a limb.", but he knew that was something that she wouldn't be ready to hear.

"You already know that I wish you good luck… You're going to have luck as well. And then you're going to return to me and make me your wife."

A smile appeared on Matthew's face as she said the last few words. She looked so beautiful, he couldn't believe that only hours ago, he was so mad at her. So unbelievably mad, believing she had tried to use him. Had seen his love for her and had tried to use it to get his inheritance not his heart. But now here she was, engaged to him. Truly in love with him. It wasn't how a gentleman was supposed to behave but still he asked it anyway.

"Mary, my love? Do I have your permission?"

"My permission for what? Marriage? Didn't I made that clear already?"

She looked up at him and brought her fingers to his cheek, stroking it lovingly. And in an instant he realized that of course she didn't know what he was talking about.

"I meant kissing you."

"Goodness! I must be a very terrible kisser then. Because as I recall it, we've already kissed before."

He just gave her a weak smile, of course they had. The nerves of this entire war were really getting to him.

"That's me giving you permission soldier." Mary said and before Matthew knew it, her lips were on his. Sending a vibe of complete happiness through him, and he wanted more. So much more.

"My love, I really can't wait till we're married."

"All the more reason to get back in one piece."

"We'd better get back before one of the maids finds us here, unchaperoned and kissing."

They both got up from the sofa and Mary threw his arms around him.

"Whatever this war brings, whatever may happen. Just remember that I mean it, that I truly love you and will forever be yours."

"I know, I know… And I love you." He kissed her cheek and held her closer to him.

After a while, she drew back, composed herself back to her normal self and smiled at him.

"Well we can't let everyone waiting, we have good news to tell. And God knows we can use some of that around here."

"Wait, there's one more thing I want to give you."

Matthew's hand disappeared in his pocket and came back out, containing a small box.

"You don't think I was going to leave you without giving you a ring first?"

Mary opened the box and gasped, inside it was a ring. Very simple and yet very elegant.

"My father gave this ring to my mother when he asked her to marry him. Mother handed it to me this morning."

"It must've been hard for her to say goodbye to it."

"Not nearly as hard as it is for me to say goodbye to you."

Mary's hand that wore the ring went to Matthew's hand.

"But I can't say it too often, you will return!"

After a short kiss they were finally ready to get back to the breakfast room where the whole family had gathered by now.

"There's some news I'd like to share with you." Lord Grantham began, "But as much as I'd like to be the one to announce it, I think that honor's for Matthew and Mary. Although I fear I may have given it away by now."

Matthew laughed and stared at the family.

"This morning I have asked for lady Mary's hand in marriage. We'll be married as soon as this war's over!"

Everyone got up from the table and gathered around the lucky couple to congratulate them. Everyone except for Edith who just left the room.

Mary felt guilty all of a sudden. Yes, Edith had deserved something. But not having her hopes for a marriage broken up and then having to watch the sister who had taken away that chance, announcing her upcoming marriage so happily.

She decided to enjoy whatever time she had left with Matthew and then talk to her later.

Noon came so fast and before they knew it, they were at the station.

"I'll write to you. As often as I can."

"And I'll write to you, every single day." Mary answered.

"Good, give me as much details on our wedding preparations as you possibly can!"

"I will!"

Matthew then turned to Isobel and smiled. "Mother, don't cry!"

"I'm not crying my boy."

"Just take care of each other you two."

"If there's anyone who has to take care of himself it's you!" scolded Isobel.

The last signal for the train sounded and Matthew boarded the train along with other men both the village and the abbey who had joined up immediately, including Thomas.

As the train left the station, Mary never felt so lonely in her life. And that was saying something.

_Hope you liked this chapter. Sorry again for taking so long to write it._


	4. Chapter 4

I accidentally posted chapter 3 again instead of chapter 4. Sorry for that, here's the real chapter 4.

_Lord Robert and Lady Cora Crawley, Earl and Countess of Grantham_

_Would like to announce the engagement of their daughter_

_Lady Mary Crawley of Grantham_

_Of the parish of Downton_

_to_

_Mr. Matthew Crawley_

_Also of the parish of Downton._

_The wedding is to be held when peace reigns, _

_and our brave soldiers can return home safely._

Mary smiled as she read the announcement in the parish newspaper. Last Sunday the bans were read for the first time. She only wished that Matthew had been standing next to her when the priest announced it or when the people of the village started to congratulate her. She took the announcement and placed it alongside her latest letter in an envelope to be send to Matthew. It would be her first letter send directly to the front. And she truly hoped that he was okay.

The letter was placed in the hands of Anna and from there on it made a long journey using railroads and ships, from one postal office to the other, until finally it arrived in the hands of a certain Captain Matthew Crawley who couldn't have been more glad when he saw the familiar handwriting.

The last week had been hell. He had arrived in a battlefield of chaos. The Germans weren't as weak as they were told and they certainly weren't ready to surrender. In fact, they appeared to be a stronger match than they were.

On the ship to the continent he had met a nice chap called Higgins. He was a mathematical student from Oxford with a love for numbers he couldn't believe, but his biggest love was the daughter of one of his professors. Who loved the fact that his daughter's beau was such a bright man, but the man also appeared to be the most patriotic man you'd ever see. He knew that if he didn't go to war, he would never earn the respect of his hopefully future father-in-law. They exchanged stories on their girls at home along with some other men on the ship. It was the only thought that could keep most of them sane, not knowing what lay ahead of them. The boy was misfortunate enough to not even survive his first day on the continent and he wasn't the only one that died. Matthew had soon learned that friendships here, might not even last the day.

So when he finally received a letter from Mary he placed it away somewhere safely and read it by the candle light at night, looking at the photo that was standing on his nightstand in the process. "_… when peace reigns."_ It would still be a long, long time before he could truly make her his. He didn't think he would be able to bear it. One week here and he already knew that at this rate, the ware most definitely wouldn't be over by Christmas.

He took out a piece of paper and wrote back to Mary. He didn't tell about Higgins, nor the fact that he wrote this in the middle of the night because the bombs and rats were keeping him awake. He didn't write about the misery over here…. Instead he wrote how much he missed her, and wrote an account of the first day he met her. From then on, that would be his way of writing. Small talk about the news Mary send him from home and recalling a memory he shared with her and letting her know, how much he loved her, even then.

A few months later, Mary was sitting in the library, having tea with her mother, grandmother and sisters when Edith finally started to smile.

"You know sir Anthony Strallan?"

"Why yes," granny said "Who could forget about him?"

Mary took a sip from her cup of tea, she knew what Edith was about to announce though Edith didn't know that. After Matthew left she had tried to talk to Edith but it was to no avail. Not because Edith hated her "that" much, it was just because she and I just weren't used to deep, personal conversations. So instead of talking to Edith, she had written directly to Sir Anthony. Telling him the truth about what she did.

"Well, he started writing me ever since he arrived at the front. And he came home for leave 2 weeks ago… And he has asked me to marry him which I accepted."

Her mother nearly dropped her cup of tea with excitement and hugged her middle daughter.

"Oh my goodness Edith! I'm so happy for you!"

"Mother! Don't kill me will you? I still need to be able to walk down the aisle."

Violet looked at her youngest granddaughter and smiled.

"Now Sybil, do you happen to have a beau hidden somewhere? You're the only one left you know?"

Sybil nodded her head but the blush on her cheeks was something that didn't escape Violet.

"I'm happy for you Edith." Mary said, "I don't know if you believe me, but I am."

"I know you are, Anthony has always been very honest in his letters." Was Edith's answer.

"Now, we must wait for this war to be over and then our dear future son-in-law's can come home safely." Cora said to nobody in particular.

They were suddenly interrupted by Lord Grantham who stood in the doorway. "Speaking of which. Mary, there's a letter from Matthew."

Mary hurried to the door to meet her father and took the letter, opening it on her way back to the sofa.

"He writes he's coming back home on leave Tuesday, two weeks from now. She looked at the date of the letter and gasped. That's tomorrow!"

_Hope you enjoyed this chapter. Reviews are love!_


	5. Chapter 5

The train was driving slower than usual, Matthew was sure of it. Why couldn't his leave just begin the second he set foot at home? He now felt that every second the train took to get home, was a second less he could spend in the calm surroundings at home, where he didn't need to worry about war.

He was mostly anxious to spend time in Mary's company. It had been so long since he last saw her, having their rushed arrangement to get married anyway and although her letters were very reassuring. He needed to see her, to have the privilege to give her chaste but nevertheless very welcome kisses and to know that she was truly, truly his.

Finally the train arrived at the station, and Mary was there, waiting for him alongside his other. He practically jumped out of the train and ran to the both of them.

"Oh my boy!" Isobel said as she hugged her son, "Look at the state of you!"

Mary also had to swallow her initial shock, Matthew looked pale with bruises and scratches and he also appeared to have lost a few pounds.

"I'm at the front mother, not at some leisure activity park. I think I look rather healthy considering that one little fact don't you think?"

"Well you can't blame your mother for being worried, can you?"

Matthew laughed and turned to Mary, he so much wanted to grab her in his arms and kiss her but with his mother being there and a few of the villagers, he didn't dare to risk it. Instead he gave her a chaste kiss on the cheek and whispered in her ear "If we were alone you'd have a kiss that expressed just how much I missed you!"

"Well we'll just have till we're alone won't we? I missed you so terribly much!"

He took her arm into his and together the three of them walked towards the car and drove off to the Abbey where a warm welcome was displayed.

"Matthew, my dear boy! How are you doing?"

"Very well, Robert, thank you. How are things around here."

"Well, war never makes anything easy. But we can still handle it all very well! And just you wait, in a few months it will be over. And we can go back to business as usual."

Mary smiled at Matthew, "Papa is concerned you'll soon find out what a nuisance I can be and is determined to have us married before you see your mistake."

"Nonsense Mary, you mustn't say such things when they're not true." Cora interfered, " If anything Matthew, we're all just thrilled to have you into our family as our son-in-law."

Matthew thanked Cora and smiled at Mary.

"I've known you for two years now, almost three. Don't you think I know by now how much of a nuisance you can be." He teased her with a smile

"Be careful! I just might still discover what kind of nuisance you might be."

It was like a magic veil to Matthew. One moment he was safe and sound in Downton without any war to worry about, next moment he stepped through it and he was in hell, fighting in the trenches with very few ups and a terrible amount of downs. He stepped through it again, and here he was back at Downton again, if only for a moment. Teasing Mary and talking to the family like nothing had ever happened. He wished he never had to leave again. He so hoped that a miracle would occur and that he would receive a letter that the war was over and that he didn't have to return again.

At dinner it was hard for him to focus between Mrs. Pattmore excellent cooking or Mary who was sitting next to him, keeping him up in an animated conversation, until she suddenly became serious and looked at him.

"I do wish that you wouldn't be so keen on trying to spare me."

"What do you mean?"

"Your letters. The newspaper propaganda is more pessimistic than you're letters and that's saying something. At the station you said that you weren't on some leisure activity park but you make it sound like you are. I'm a grown woman Matthew, a woman who wants to spend her life with you. You're only making me worried writing such optimistic letters because then you make me fear that the truth is far more gruesome than I could ever imagine."

"Mary… " Matthew didn't really know how to answer to her remark, "Why would you want to know just how miserable it is down there?"

"Because I want to be there for you. In a few months or a year or who know, I'll be standing at that altar with you, promising to love you for better or for worse. How can I keep that promise if you won't even tell me how you truly feel about the worst periods? How can I write letters that'll comfort you if I don't know what you need comforting for?"

He took her hand in his underneath the table and smiled at her.

"I can truly reassure you about that last part of your speech. Your letters are a great comfort for me as they are now. It's good to read about life outside that hell hole."

Mary bowed he head and looked at their joined hands.

"So I was right, it's worse than you let out in your letters."

"First time I've seen you disappointed about being right." Matthew tried to lighten up the mood.

"You can hardly expect me to be joyful about it can you?"

She looked up straight into his eyes.

"Matthew, I love you so, so much… But I can't stand to be so frightened all the time. I can't stand to wait and wait and hope and pray that someday I'll be your wife. I don't want us to wait till this war is over, I'm not dumb… I know that everyone's being far too optimistic. I'm not naïve as well, I know that you might get killed. And if you do… I don't want to be some left behind fiancée with only her dreams to comfort her... I want to be your wife as soon as possible. We don't know what may come and…" she suddenly stopped and started to blush and looked away.

"And?... Mary, look at me again and finish your sentence please?"

She did as he asked and looked straight into his eyes again, the blush still on her cheeks.

"I want to remember and know what it's like loving you… in every way possible."

Matthew looked away, at the table. A concerned look on his face.

"But what if? It's war Mary… We can't just celebrate a wedding."

"I don't want to 'celebrate' a wedding… I want a marriage. Who cares about grand weddings and all that sort of things as long as we can still be together?"

Matthew's thoughts went to Higgins, his fiancée who probably wanted the same thing as Mary and who never got the chance. Perhaps it wasn't a bad idea after all.

"The bands have been read 3 times haven't they?"

"Yes, about a month ago…"

"Then let's get married this Saturday. And then we have until Tuesday to show each other just how much we love one another."

Mary squeezed his hand and smiled, "That sounds like a plan. Who'll announce it?" she asked, gesturing towards the rest of the table.

"I've faced worse things I guess." Matthew said as he stood up, grabbing everyone's attention and explaining the plan.

"What? Absolutely out of the question." Was Robert's first answer.

"Papa! It's war! You know what it's like… I don't want to have an regrets. We've already wasted so much time.

"But darling, think of it," Cora answered "You know we can't pull off a grand affair in this time…"

"I don't want a grand affair mama… There used to be a time when I did but then I also believed that I would never marry out of love. Now I will… I don't care if I have to marry in my everyday clothes even… As long as I marry Matthew."

"Matthew, it's all a bit sudden isn't?" Isobel asked her son.

"I know mother, but I think it's the best idea. I've seen enough at the front and I know… I know that when I return anything might happen. I just don't want to miss out on anything or leave anyone behind with regrets."

"Well…" Violet said with a smile on her face "We better get started then! Oh don't give me that look Robert. It's a decent marriage and like they say, it's war!"

_Hope you all liked this chapter! Again, reviews are love!_


End file.
